THE ESCALATOR

by

Enrique Carrasco

CHARACTERS

MITCH, in his 40’s

SAM, in his late 30’s

SETTING

Present day. An escalator going up. Stage is bare except for two blocks suggesting an escalator. Mitch is one step below Sam, who is holding a cane.

MITCH

May I?

SAM

Sorry?

MITCH

May I?

SAM

May you what?

MITCH

Stand next to you?

SAM

What?

MITCH

Just take a step up.

SAM

Why would you do that?

MITCH

It’s a ways up.

SAM

And?

MITCH

Well, I don’t want to take this all the way up. Alone.

SAM

But you’re not alone. Look around.

   (pause)

MITCH

It’s very steep. All the way up. Isn’t it?

SAM

Yes, it’s steep.

   (pause)

MITCH

Well, here I come.

   (MITCH steps up to stand next to SAM)

SAM

I’m sorry but—

MITCH

Quite a feat, isn’t it?

SAM

Don’t stand next to me.

MITCH

Why not?

SAM

Well, for one thing, you’re blocking other people. You know. Who walk up.

MITCH

They won’t mind. I don’t think so. No, they won’t.

   (pause)

SAM

Why don’t you walk?

MITCH

I can walk. I can walk just fine.

SAM

That’s not what I mean.

MITCH

What do you mean?

SAM

You know what I mean.

MITCH

Actually, I don’t.

SAM

Yes. You do. Sir.

MITCH

Sir. My dad used to make me call him sir. Some people think that’s weird. Odd. But I don’t think so. It’s a sign of respect. Don’t see much of that these days. Do you?

SAM

I wouldn’t know.

MITCH

Why wouldn’t you?

SAM

I haven’t taken a survey.

   (pause)

MITCH

Yes, this is quite a feat.

SAM

What is?

MITCH

This. Quite a feat of engineering.

SAM

This escalator?

MITCH

Of course. What else would I be talking about?

SAM

I really don’t care. Please, move on.

MITCH

I wanted to be an engineer.

   (pause)

I loved playing with Legos. You know, those—

SAM

I know what they are.

MATCH

One day I was building a fort, like an engineer. I was a genius. I must have been seven or eight. Yes, I was building a fort as I recall. I asked my mom for a hot dog with mustard. But she gave me one with ketchup instead. I got very angry. Out of my mind, actually. I found a hammer and smashed the fort into pieces. They flew all over the place. I cut my forehead. I bled a lot. Couldn’t see. Not really. Has that ever happened to you?

SAM

Smashed a Lego set?

MITCH

No.

SAM

Then what are you asking me?

MITCH

Have you bled? A lot?

SAM

What kind of question is that?

MITCH

It’s a simple one. You don’t need a survey for that. Do you know why?

(pause)

Do you know why I’m asking?

SAM

I don’t.

MITCH

Are you Jesus Christ?

SAM

What are you on?

MITCH

Did you die on the cross? Did you bleed?

SAM

Fuck off.

   (pause)

MITCH

I suppose you couldn’t be.

SAM

Why? Maybe I am Jesus Christ.

MITCH

No. Actually, you couldn’t be.

SAM

Why not?

MITCH

Because you’re using a cane. Christ wasn’t a cripple.

   (pause)

SAM

You smell.

MITCH

I don’t!

SAM

You do.

MITCH

Can I have your cane?

SAM

No.

MITCH

I want it.

SAM

You smell!

MITCH

I DON’T! I DON’T! I DON’T!

SAM

You’re rancid. Putrid. Rotting. You’re a pile of stinking flesh with no soul.

MITCH

I want a hot dog! With mustard! That’s all I wanted! All I ever wanted!

(pause)

SAM

We’re almost at the top.

MITCH

Are we?

SAM

Yes. We are.

MITCH

I’m afraid.

SAM

Why?

MITCH

I don’t know.

SAM

Yes. We’re almost at the top. Almost.

THE END