by Enrique R. Carrasco

Synopsis

The play explores the use of language, particularly the iterability of words, to ponder the meaning of words, in particular, “it’s okay,” as manifested in the dynamics between brother and sister, Juan and Alicia, as they confront mental health issues and Alicia’s suicide. What appears to be a pleasant meet-up turns into a moment of reckoning for Juan. By the end of the play, we realize Alicia is not there in body. But her spirit whispers to Juan, in iterable words, that “it’s okay.”

                                                                                           Copyright © 2023 by Enrique R. Carrasco             

THE CHARACTERS

JUAN                                        ALICIA’S brother, thirty-three years old

ALICIA                                      JUAN’S sister, thirty-years old

SETTING

Present day, a park, the fall season

For the monologue at the beginning and the ending segment, the stages is empty except for a chair that JUAN straddles facing the audience. Otherwise, JUAN and ALICIA are sitting on a park bench and move around as indicated. The stage should be strewn with autumn leaves. They are wearing autumn attire. ALICIA wears a white scarf that stands out from the rest of her clothing.

         Lights up.

JUAN

Words

We live by them

We live through them

Around them

In them

Words are me

They are you

They are they

They are us

(pause)

Words

They are the genius of our understanding

Our misunderstanding

Only because they are

They must be

They will always be

Iterable

They must mean different things

At different times

At different places

In different circumstances

I think of the word

Love

I love the blue sky

I love ice cream

I love you

But what about

It’s okay?

What about my sister

Alicia

     Fade to black.        

The bench is set on stage. ALICIA and JUAN are seated on the bench.

    Lights up.

(JUAN is eating out of a bag of donuts)

JUAN

Beautiful, isn’t it. Peaceful.

ALICIA

Yeah, it is.

JUAN

Almost has its own rhythm. The water, the waves. You know?

ALICIA

Peaceful in the morning. The grand Lake Michigan that connects us.

JUAN

What do you mean?

ALICIA

Our lives here in Chicago. Our lives in Grand Haven.

JUAN

Our roots in Quito. The peace of El Chimborazo on a clear morning.

ALICIA

Spectacular.

JUAN

Want some?

(offers a donut to ALICIA)

ALICIA

No thanks.

JUAN

You never eat.

ALICIA

I’m never hungry.

JUAN

Suit yourself.

(munches)

JUAN

Peaceful. What does that mean? You know? Really.

ALICIA

So many things, I guess. Lake Michigan absent a storm. Shimmering.

JUAN

How about no wars?

ALICIA

That’s an easy one. But it’ll never happen.

JUAN

You’re a pessimist. You always have been.

ALICIA

Sometimes. Depending on the day. If I’ve eaten a stale donut.

(JUAN looks at ALICIA and chuckles, he stands with bag in hand and moves away from ALICIA, still munching)

JUAN

Ok. Let’s try..uh…no hate. How about that?

ALICIA

Are you kidding me?

JUAN

What?

ALICIA

Get real.

JUAN

But why—

ALICIA

Why?

JUAN

Yes. I’m asking you what I think is a simple—

ALICIA

Because we’ve become hateful people. Seems like we thrive on it. The more, the better. And killing for it? That’s the sweetest hate possible.

(JUAN looks at ALICIA with concern)

JUAN

Wow.

ALICIA

You asked.

(pause)

JUAN

But we can still love. Right?

ALICIA

Only glimpses of it.

JUAN

More than glimpses. You know that.

(JUAN tosses the donut bag at ALICIA)

Catch!

(ALICIA, still seated, makes no attempt to catch it)

Uh…the idea is to put your hands somewhere in the vicinity of the flying object to catch it.

ALICIA

Maybe next time.

JUAN

(JUAN crouches looking at the ground using his finger to brush stuff)

Acceptance.

ALICIA

(ALICIA stands and moves to the opposite side of JUAN picking up leaves and letting them float to the ground, sometimes blowing on them like a wind)

How is that peaceful?

JUAN

For us. You. Me. Millions. We accept that we have it. It’s random. But we try to do something about it. Try to find peace. When our minds are just right. When the torment in our heads leaves us even if it’s not forever.

(pause)

ALICIA

Why us?

JUAN

(JUAN throws an imaginary stone as if to hit a target)

Why not us? Why Aunt Sandra? Why not Sandra? It’s random.

ALICIA

I wish you could just cut it out. A deft doctor with a scalpel. Better yet, let me do a do- over. Be born without it.

JUAN

What if you’re born with spina bifida? Spend your life in a wheelchair. It’s random.

ALICIA

You think everything is random.

JUAN

(JUAN picks up another stone and throws it)

Yes. Everything. You. Me. That oak tree. The lake. Even our conversation. We’ve gotten here, to this moment, through a series of random events.

ALICIA

You’re brutal, Juan.

(pause)

JUAN

(JUAN goes back to the bench)

The what if’s.

ALICIA

What?

JUAN

The what if’s. That mindset is useless.

ALICIA

Useless. What does that mean?

JUAN

It sets up an alternate reality that we’ll never reach or find. What if we could change one thing, just one thing, that would prevent catastrophe, stop the worst from happening. But we can’t. We’re left with anger, pain, despair.

ALICIA

(ALICIA returns to the bench facing JUAN)

It doesn’t need to be so dark, dear brother.

JUAN

Enlighten me, then, dear sister.

ALICIA

What if we could reach medical breakthroughs that would eliminate mental illness entirely?

JUAN

Now it’s my turn. Are you kidding me? It’s in the brain, Alicia. You’d have to lobotomize every newborn to do that. It’s a fact, a fact that you can’t change.

(pause)

Besides, there’s a new invention. It’s called medication. Have you heard of it? I think you have. Only you’ve been sticking your head in the sand.

ALICIA

(ALICIA turns away from JUAN)

Are we going to have this conversation, this debate, again?

JUAN

Yes. Yes, we are.

ALICIA

I don’t want it.

JUAN

It’s not about what you want. It’s what you need.

ALICIA

I don’t need drugs.

JUAN

Right, right. You’ll get addicted. Make you a zombie. Is that what I look like to you? Something out of the Walking Dead?

ALICIA

You want to do drugs, more power to ya. Do a commercial for pharma. Just leave me alone. I can handle myself. I don’t need your attention.

JUAN

Oh, really? You don’t need attention?

ALICIA

That’s right.

JUAN

That’s really rich. You’ve gotten all the attention in this family.

ALICIA

That’s not true.

JUAN

Alicia, if that’s not true, then why are we here?

ALICIA

(ALICIA turns to JUAN)

I don’t know, Juan. Why are we here?

JUAN

Because you need to stop. Stop selfishly looking for attention, as if you’re addicted to it. That’s your drug of choice.

ALICIA

That’s not fair.

JUAN

Oh, no? What about the family reunions. Remember? One moment, you’re, you’re—

ALICIA

Stop! Stop it!

JUAN

No. NO, I won’t stop. Yes, one grand moment you’re the life of the party, flitting around the room, laughing, dancing, twirling about. And the next, Alicia? Do you remember?

ALICIA

Shut the fuck up, Juan!

JUAN

(JUAN stands up abruptly, looking at ALICIA)

Fuck no! And the next moment you’re collapsed on your bed, never to be seen for the rest of the evening. Poor Alicia. Where did she go? Is she all right? Everything stops because we’re worried about our poor dear sister.

ALICIA

Go to hell.

JUAN

Yeah, hell. That’s what it’s been like to put up with you.

ALICIA

Then let me remind you what you did to us when you nearly jumped off that roof.

JUAN

Yeah, I was crazy. Full blown bipolar explosion. But I’m on meds now. I don’t need attention.

ALICIA

You did when you were in the hospital. Or don’t you remember that?

JUAN

I owned that. And I vowed never to go back. And I didn’t. Why? Because. I. Took. Medication. Medication, Alicia.

ALICIA

(ALICIA stands up abruptly, walks away from JUAN and then turns to him)

Will you fucking stop with your medication mantra? You talk as if pills would transform my life and give me a ticket to the kingdom of God.

(ALICIA looks up at the sky and puts her hands together as if praying)

Hail Mary full of Oxycontin!

JUAN

That’s different. No comparison. You know that.

ALICIA

Speaking of comparison, do you know why I don’t take your precious pills?

JUAN

Here we go.

ALICIA

The sibs always looked up to you. First in your class at Yale. Editor of the Harvard law review. Hot shot lawyer in a big law firm. And me? Your always-underperforming little sister. Middle of her class at Michigan State. Always in your shadow.

JUAN

Alicia—

ALICIA

I’m not finished. Do you really want to know why I would rather throw pills down the toilet? Because I want to show you, show our sibs, show the fucking world that Alicia Mendez can do something right. On my own! That I can get my act together, get my head straight without the almighty pills! That I can achieve something, Juan, achieve something on my own!

JUAN

At what price, huh? How many times in the psych ward?

(JUAN turns away from ALICIA)

And then the pandemic hit. One day you’re radiant. Absolutely beautiful. The next you’re a shell of yourself. Withered. Emaciated. Demons in your head. This time it was involuntary. We forced you into that hospital.

(ALICIA sits slowly on the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees, facing away from JUAN)

(significant long pause)

ALICIA

(softly)

Why didn’t you call me?

(long pause)

JUAN

(looking surprised, JUAN turns slowly towards ALICIA and says quietly)

What?

ALICIA

Why didn’t you call, Juan? Forgot my number? A number you’ve called a million times.

JUAN

Of course not.

ALICIA

I was waiting.

JUAN

I….I…

ALICIA

Waiting for you.

JUAN

Look, Alicia…

ALICIA

Why didn’t you call? I want to know.

JUAN

I…I was crazy busy. We were closing a huge deal. I hardly slept for weeks.

ALICIA

Oh, that’s right, the gifted lawyer climbing his way from associate to partner. The air must be pretty thin at the top of the legal mountain.

JUAN

You have no idea. The pressure I was under. You wouldn’t have a clue.

ALICIA

Oh, that’s right. How could I?

JUAN

(dismissively)

Stop. Just stop.

ALICIA

My brother. My dear pill-popping bipolar brother. Couldn’t find the time.

JUAN

That’s enough!

ALICIA

(ALICIA turns to JUAN sitting on her knees)

The one person who could understand me. Understand my world. Our world. Was I asking for too much attention?

JUAN

Why are we doing this?

ALICIA

You know why.

JUAN

You’re breaking the rules!

ALICIA

Rules are made to be broken, right counselor?

JUAN

(JUAN turns away from ALICIA)

Leave me alone!

ALICIA

(ALICIA stands and approaches JUAN little by little as they speak)

No, I won’t. It’s time.

JUAN

I don’t want to talk about this, dammit!

ALICIA

What if, Juan?

JUAN

I’m leaving.

ALICIA

You can’t. So I ask again, what if?

JUAN

Shut up!

ALICIA

What if you could change one thing…

JUAN

Please, Alicia!

ALICIA

Now is the time, Juan. Now you can’t stop it.

JUAN

Don’t!

ALICIA

What if you could change one thing, one thing that would prevent a catastrophe.

JUAN

You don’t have to do this!

ALICIA

Yes, I do.

JUAN

No, no, no, you don’t!  

ALICIA

(lovingly)

It’s time, Juan.

JUAN

No, it’s not!

ALICIA

(ALICIA is now stands closely behind JUAN and says lovingly)

You can’t run away from me. Not anymore.

JUAN

(JUAN turns toward ALICIA)

STOP! STOP!! PLEASE, ALICIA!! DON’T DO IT! PLEASE DON’T DO IT!

ALICIA

(lovingly)

Just one thing. If you could change just one thing, my dear brother. Say it.

JUAN

NO, I WON’T!

ALICIA

(lovingly)

Say it, Juan.

JUAN

OK! I SHOULD’VE CALLED! I SHOULD’VE CALLED!

(pause)

ALICIA

Why didn’t you call?

JUAN

BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID, OK?

(pause)

 Afraid. So afraid of that darkness. That black hole you were in.

(pause)

I didn’t…I couldn’t…I couldn’t go there. I just couldn’t.

ALICIA

I just wanted to talk to my brother.

JUAN

I didn’t know what to say, Alicia! I couldn’t find the words! I was mute! Frozen! Afraid! Afraid of you!

ALICIA

But it was a simple word. I just wanted to hear you say my name, speak it, into my world, dear brother.

(JUAN collapses to the ground, sobbing)

JUAN

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve called. Oh, God, I should have called, Alicia. I’m so sorry.

(very long pause, the lights begin to fade on ALICIA)

ALICIA

(ALICIA sits on her knees)

Love.

JUAN

What?

ALICIA

It’s a word. That signifies the bond between us. The bond we’ll always have. Always.

(long pause)

JUAN

I love you, Alicia. All of you, not the Alicia that could’ve been.

ALICIA

I love you, Juan. All of you. Who you are now.

(long pause)

(JUAN and ALICIA sit on the ground facing the audience)

Lights completely down on ALICIA

JUAN

Beautiful, isn’t it? Peaceful.

ALICIA

Yeah, it is.

       Fade to black.

      Lights fade up. JUAN faces the audience straddling a chair and ALICIA stands behind him and to the side. Lighting should suggest that ALICIA is there in spirit. She’s barefoot and wears a simple white dress.

JUAN

Words

They will always be iterable

What about, it’s okay?

We say

It’s okay, I suppose

It’s okay, it’s good to go

It’s okay to cross the street

But there’s more

Right?

Something deeper

Pervasive

Consuming

About it’s okay

When things

Bad things

Confront us

At any time

Anywhere

Suddenly, perhaps

Randomly, so often

Violently, at times

We then ask

What’s the point?

Words hurt me

Wound me

They stab me

Leave me dead to the world

(pause)

No words

No

Words

They disappear

Fade to nothing

Leaving only the wordless abyss

Then someone

Maybe someone you can’t see

But only feel

That someone 

Touches you

Says to you

In a whisper

ALICIA

(whispering)

It’s okay

JUAN

Wait.

What?

What did you say?

What are you saying?

What do you mean?

ALICIA

(whispering)

It’s okay

JUAN

How?

How?

How is it okay?

How can it be okay?

How?

ALICIA

(whispering)

It’s okay to feel the trauma of grief

It’s okay to feel the pain of letting go

It’s okay to fear the future without me

JUAN

But what then?

ALICIA

A promise

A promise, Juan, that it’s okay

That you will survive

A promise that there are better days to come

Better days

(pause)

Words, Juan

What you will speak tomorrow

Because you will be there

      Fade to black

THE END